Alphabetical Entries: F

faculty spouses. Casey Miller and Kate Swift (The Handbook of Nonsexist Writing) say that tacking on identifiers like "faculty/Senate/service/corporate wives" makes women appendages of both a man and an institution while detracting from their own lives and roles. The terminology also assumes that all members of the institution are men.

these terms are extremely derogatory when used by people who are not gay, but may be acceptable when used positively among gay men. By reclaiming the words for themselves, gay men defuse the words' hostility and power over them. GLADD says they should not be used except in a direct quote that reveals the bias of the person quoted. So that such words are not given credibility in the media, it is preferred that reporters say, "The person used a derogatory word for a gay man." See also insider/outsider rule, shortened forms of words.

this phrase has lost whatever meaning it ever had.

the favorite, the apple of someone's eye, privileged person, someone with pull, front runner, person after one's own heart, in one's good graces, persona grata, teacher's pet. "Fair-haired" is problematic because (1) making "fair" the preferred coloring is racist and ethnocentric; (2) the phrases are used of adults, which makes the boy/girl designation inappropriate; (3) "fair-haired boy" is common, while "fair-haired girl" is not.

fairies are both male and female, although they most often materialize in our culture as female (for example, fairy godmother, Tinker Bell, Walt Disney's fairies, the tooth fairy).

this highly derogatory term has fortunately pretty much died out; a few gay men might still want to use it in a friendly and positive way among themselves, but it's off limits to others. See also insider/outsider rule.

retain in traditional fairy tales and add fairy godfathers to modern tales. Also: good fairy/genie/genius, guardian angel, benefactor, savior, hero.

faith of our ancestors/mothers and fathers.

from the Arabic for "poor man," fakirs are generally men and the word is perceived as male. When you want a sex-neutral alternative, use wonder-worker, ascetic, mendicant, dervish, impostor, swindler.

Ethiopian Jews. The offensive "Falashas" means "landless aliens" in Amharic.

scapegoat, dupe, sucker, victim, fool, laughingstock, loser, sitting duck, easy/soft mark, mark, target, pushover, sap, mug, nebbish. See also bad guy, fallen woman, whipping boy.

fall of the human race, the Fall.

if you mean prostitute, use prostitute—or better yet, prostituted woman. Otherwise use for either sex someone who is unfortunate/unlucky/sexually active/promiscuous, someone who has fallen on hard times/from grace. There are no "fallen men" just as there are no "fall women" (see fall guy/fall man); judgments about sexual activity are reserved for women, while judgments about moral evil and foolishness are reserved for men.

this logical fallacy deems two opposing sides of an argument equivalent when they actually are not. Biases lurk here. A false equivalence relies on feeble similarities in an effort to nullify the more important observations and effects of the glaring differences. Be discerning.

the Census Bureau's definition of a "traditional" nuclear family (married moms and dads living with their biological children and no other relative in the home) is now in the minority (Haya El Nasser, USA Today). When writing and speaking about family, reflect contemporary realities; the family of nostalgia ("Father Knows Best," "Leave It to Beaver," "Ozzie and Harriet"), still pictured as a "real" family, was actually only an aberration (and not even enjoyed by everyone; one-fourth of all Americans lived in poverty—without food stamps) that predominated for several decades following World War II. "The treasured belief that American families were once simpler and more innocent than they are today still exerts a powerful emotional pull on us" (Stephanie Coontz, The Way We Never Were). Susan Ohanian (Ms. Class) points out that "from George Washington on, we are a nation led by the products of single-parent families. George Washington was 11 when his father died (and Washington raised his own fatherless grandchildren); Thomas Jefferson was 14; Andrew Jackson's father died before he was born and his mother died when he was 14; Abraham Lincoln was 11 when his mother died." When dealing with children, speak of their families; don't specify parents, mothers, or fathers unless you know their situation. To distinguish between the family you grew up in and the family you presently live in, consider: birth family, childhood family, family of origin, original family, first family; present family, adult family. See also domestic partners, family values.

homebody, stay-at-home, family head, home-lover, family-oriented/family-centered/home-centered person, someone devoted to the family. Apparently all women are "family women" and so few men are that they need special calling-out.

the human family, humanity, humankind, the human family tree.

this sex-neutral term is too often discussed as the exclusive province/responsibility of women; include all those involved in these decisions and practices. See also contraception.

political shorthand for a rigid picture of the family (male breadwinner, female homemaker, decent income, no divorces, no blended families, no homosexuality, no unwed or single parents), this term has too much spin on it to be used at face value. Write or speak instead simply of the family, or of the average family, or "your family," or specify the values you want to talk about. See also family.

farmer. Most often, this woman is a farmer in all but name; give her the name.

approximately 80% of all agricultural workers world-wide are women, according to UN Women; "yet, of all the job descriptions in the English language, few jobs have a more masculine connotation than the title 'farmer.' ... In most cultures, agriculture becomes 'men's work' when it progresses to the point of being a successful commercial industry" (Lee Egerstrom, St. Paul Pioneer Press).

woman or man. (The "-ista" ending is from Spanish—for example, Sandinista, Peronista—and used like the English "-ist.") The term is rarely used disparagingly; it's more of a tongue-in-cheek, "fun" way to self-identify and find others who share your interests.

labeling people's appearance is rarely necessary. When description is called for, says John Paschetto, "Most politicized fat people prefer the simple word 'fat' to describe their bodies. Such words as 'heavy,' 'big,' and 'large'—while less offensive than 'overweight'—are frowned upon both because they are unclear and because they suggest that 'fat' needs euphemisms.... The usage of 'fat,' 'overweight,' et al. is complicated by different preferences among the people being named. A lot of fat people accept the ruling group's opinion of their bodies and so are put off by the free use of 'fat.'" A principal activist organization, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, prefers "fat." One woman asks, "When are we going to understand that fat is an adjective, not an epithet?" The late Bettye Travis, clinical psychologist with a long history of activism, fought assumptions that "fat" equals "lazy" or "ugly," and concluded that fat people were "one of the last marginal groups that are still targeted, that it's still OK to make fun of." The Yale University's Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity recommends using the more even-keeled terms of "weight" and "excess weight" and their media guidelines included: avoiding portrayals of overweight persons merely for the purpose of humor or ridicule; ensuring news articles about obesity are fact-based; treating fat people like people, not stereotypes—show them smiling or working, "not eating a cheeseburger on the sofa." When discussing exercise and nutrition, avoid implying that fat people are the only ones who need this information. "We're hoping to get people to realize that being fat is not a crime." said Travis. See also fat shaming, looksism, obese/obesity, overweight.

not always as obvious as name-calling or telling someone they'd be better off without the extra weight, fat shaming can be as subtle as a patronizing "Good for you!" to a fat person exercising or to "noticing" the choices in a fat person's grocery cart. Conveyed in myriad ways—"I see that you're fat, and that's not good"—fat shaming is anything you wouldn't say or do to a lesser-weight person or that could refer to the person's body. Note that fat shaming is outstandingly ineffective in changing other people's weight (some people use this bullying tactic under the guise of being helpful). The disdain behind fat shaming is seen in a comment on Urban Dictionary that defines it as a term used by obese people to avoid the responsibility of actually taking proper care of their body and instead victimizing themselves by pretending to be discriminated against like an ethnic group. Bottom line? Manners, people. It is incredibly rude to notice in an obvious way or to remark upon human differences. MYOB.

leave as is in direct address ("Father Frank Friar") but when referring to someone, use the inclusive priest, minister, pastor. See also clergyman, priest.