Alphabetical Entries: M

used in the same way "sir" is used for men, "ma'am" (or, infrequently, "madam") is inoffensive, but neither "sir" nor "ma'am" is extremely common today. Some people dislike it: "You're more likely to hear ma'am when somebody is annoyed" (Deborah Tannen); "In theory, ma'am is a courtesy term, meant to convey respect and graciousness lightly salted with deference. Yet much evidence suggests that when it comes to fomenting a sense of good will ma'am fails even more spectacularly than 'Have a nice day'" (Natalie Angier, The New York Times). Others like it, including Miss Manners (Judith Martin) and those familiar with languages where a polite title is tacked onto every interaction with a stranger. At one time, "madam" appeared to be losing its respectability because of its other meaning (female head of a house of prostitution). "Sir" never had an unsavory second job, but male-female word pairs (master/mistress, for example) often went in different directions. For someone connected with prostitution, use prostitute, owner/head of house of prostitution.

by definition, only men are macho (the word is Spanish, meaning "male") or are associated with machismo; there is no parallel for women ("macha" is incorrect, although in Sue Grafton's "N" Is for Noose, one woman tells another, "Don't be macha"). You can approximate macho with sex-neutral alternatives: overly aggressive, defensive, proud, swaggering, overbearing, show-off.

use only for a Frenchwoman who calls herself "mademoiselle." In France, "mademoiselle" is generally reserved for women in their teens or early to mid-twenties while "madame" is used for older women – in both cases irrespective of their marital status. This is also the case with "frau" and "fräulein," and it used to be true of "Miss" and "Mrs." See also Miss, Mrs., Ms.

these terms are gender-fair but they are vague, inaccurate and offensive. If a person's mental condition must be mentioned, use correct medical terminology (for example, "someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder"); avoid identifying the whole person with one aspect of their existence. See also insane/insanity, mental illness.

Chennai.

in some contexts, "maestro" is still considered irreplaceable and is used for both women and men. In other situations, consider conductor, orchestra leader, expert.

organized crime, the underworld. Not all Italian criminals are members of the Mafia. And in reference to non-Italian crime "Mafia" is a misrepresentation and an ethnic slur, but even to use it "in reference to Italian criminals ... implies that organized crime was begun by Italians and/or Italian Americans, when, in fact, organized crime was thriving in the United States long before our grandparents arrived here—although even the phrase 'organized crime' conjures up images of Italian-Americans for bigots" (Rose Romano).

see three wise men, the.

safecracker.

acceptable sex-specific words.

general servant. See also charwoman, cleaning woman, handyman, maid.

household servant/worker/cleaner/helper, houseworker, servant, housekeeper, house cleaner, custodian, janitor. See also charwoman, cleaning lady, handyman.

attendant, best woman, attendant of honor. Whichever term you choose, refer to the groom's attendant with a parallel term, for example, "best woman and best man" or "bride's attendant and groom's attendant." See also best man.

first, inaugural, initial, premier, earliest, new, untried, untested, untapped, unused, fresh, intact, inexperienced. See also single, maiden voyage.

use only when quoting or in historical contexts.

aunt. Marital status is generally irrelevant; and "maiden" carries stereotypical implications of fussiness, lack of attractiveness, and having been rejected by men.

see spinster.

birth/given/birth family/family/former/original/premarital name, family of origin name, original surname. "Birth name" is the most commonly used term. Keeping one's birth name is not as widespread as it is perceived to be: only 10% of U.S. married women do not use their husband's last name. Since 1979, women in Quebec legally retain their surname upon marriage unless they make a special application to change it (Ruth King, Talking Gender). In Sicily, many women have two names—their own "public" name and their married "private" name. See also hyphenated surnames, surnames.

first/premier voyage, first trip/sailing; debut, initiation, premiere.

hymen, virginity. See also virgin/virginity.

youth, innocence, adolescence. There is little reason to use the outdated and problematic "maidenhood"; avoid it. See also virgin/virginity.

this is so vague that using it is poor communication; your audience will be no wiser. Decide what qualities you mean to convey and describe them.

see maid.

there has never been anything parallel for men and thus there is no sex-neutral alternative. The practice still exists.

mailcarrier, letter carrier, mail handler/deliverer/clerk, postal worker/clerk/officer. Both the National Association of Letter Carriers and the National Postal Mail Handlers Union use inclusive terms.