rape victim

avoid using "victim" in speaking and writing about rape unless the person was killed too; "survivor" is often preferred. Tami Spry (Women and Language) says that "the agency of a woman as meaning maker of her own experience is denied in having to choose between the categories of victim or survivor. The pain and confusion following the assault is further complicated by having to structure and make sense of her experience within the assailant's language.... How can one tell a story of sexual violence from a woman's bodily narrative point of view? ... The language of victor or survivor defines the meaning of the assault in relation to his action rather than her experience; she survived it or was a victim of it.... the narrative focus, the primary experiential focus is on the male perpetrator, what he did and why he did it." The most important caution in writing or speaking of those who have been raped is to avoid indirectly blaming them. "We all want injustice to be the victim's fault" (Hortense Calisher). We like to think that most sexual assaults are provoked by, or preventable by, the victim, when in fact 60% to 70% of all rapes are planned in advance; nothing the victim does or doesn't do can avert it. Publicly identifying those who have been raped is debatable. Use someone's name only with permission as there are good reasons not to further expose the person at such a vulnerable time. Then again, not using a name seems to imply that there is something shameful about having been raped, when in fact there was something criminal about it. Suzette Haden Elgin (The Lonesome Node) says the ugly truth about not publicizing the name of those who have been raped "is because most of our society looks upon them as damaged goods." Although nearly all reported rape victims are women, men are raped, particularly in prisons where rape is a common way of maintaining an inmate power structure; do not exclude men from discussions of rape or assume that victim and violator are of different sexes. See also date rape, rape, rapist, she asked for it, victim, violence.