marriage

in her 1872 book, My Opinions and Betsey Bobbet's, Marietta Holley writes, "I took Josiah out to one side, and says I, 'Josiah Allen, if Tirzah Ann is to be brought up to think that marriage is the chief aim of her life, Thomas J. shall be brought up to think that marriage is his chief aim.' Says I, 'It looks just as flat in a woman, as it does in a man.'" In speaking and writing about marriage, keep in mind: (1) that marriage is not the norm or the be-all and end-all for everyone; (2) that couples marry each other (occasionally you see traces of the old point of usage that women cannot be the subject of the verb "to marry"; they can only be the object of it so that men marry women, not vice versa); (3) the responsibility for the marriage is not the woman's alone (Gloria Steinem: "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career"); (4) by using "couples" or "relationships," you can include unmarried and same-sex couples as well as married ones. Where marriage is permitted for same-sex couples, call it "marriage," never "same-sex marriage" or "gay marriage." If you need to say so, use "marriage for gay and lesbian couples" or "the marriage of a lesbian couple" or "marriage of a same-sex couple." The construction "gay marriage" suggests that same-sex couples are seeking a separate institution that would, by definition, exclude straight couples. Gay and lesbian couples seeking the protections, rights, and responsibilities of marriage want to join the institution of marriage as it now exists, defining their relationships as "marriage," not "gay marriage." Marriage licenses provide couples access to more than 1,000 state and federal rights and protections that safeguard their families. Few of those rights can be secured through private contracts, which is why gay and lesbian couples have been working for access to all the rights of the committed, long-term relationship known as marriage. See also child marriage, domestic partner, wedding.