To Birth or Not to Birth

We’re in an age in which more and more women are deciding not to have children. Fertility rates in the U.S. have dropped to a record low. In fact, global fertility rates have fallen all over the world.

Many people think this is a problem. According to Johns Hopkins University, falling fertility rates can have negative economic consequences. For example, as the aging population increasingly uses social services, there aren’t enough working adults to support that cost.

But there are many reasons why people are deciding not to have kids that experts largely haven’t pointed to. One is selfishness. I’m a selfish person. I don’t want to give up my time, space, or energy to another person; that’s one of the main reasons I don’t want kids.

Of course, many people have kids for selfish reasons, too. Some have them in the hopes that once they grow old, their children will take care of them, or because they want to shape their own identity around being a parent.

What’s more, even if someone’s reason for having kids seems selfless – they really love kids and want to devote themselves to raising them, for example — it’s not like you can ask an unborn child for their consent to be born or guarantee they’ll have a good life. No matter who you are or why you decided to become a parent, we all face obstacles in life and can only hope for the best for your child. There’s no guarantee your child will be happy no matter what you do.

Others don’t want children because they believe they’ll be bad parents. This train of thought can stem from generational trauma, financial instability, or even individual personalities. It’s reasonable to question the idea that all people, no matter such factors, should be parents.

No matter the reason why people are or are not deciding to have children, though, it’s a decision that is made by men and women, but for which women seem to be disproportionately held accountable. The media berates women for having too many children as often as they berate them for having none at all.

Women have always been closely tied to both their nonexistent and existing children, and they will continue to be called “selfish” no matter what they do. But I believe that if wanting to be happy — no matter what makes you happy — is “selfish,” then it’s fine to be selfish.

The decision of whether to have children or not is one that ultimately needs to be made by the person who would have them. Many people seem to forget that having children isn’t just an inevitable milestone for adults, but a life-altering and “world-bending” (especially for the children) decision. I, for one, can’t bear that kind of responsibility and, at the end of the day, I have every right to want to focus on my own happiness and satisfaction.