adoption language

many terms used to describe adoption and adopted children—particularly to distinguish adoptive families and children from those families and children related genetically—tend to portray adoption as a second-best, even last-resort way to build a family. Calling a biological parent a "real" parent or a "natural" parent implies that adoptive relationships are artificial and less important than are relationships by birth. The phrase "children of their own" when referring to parents implies that genetic relationships are stronger than adoptive ones. Birth mothers and birth fathers who choose adoption for their children generally do not "abandon," "surrender," "release," "relinquish," "give up," or "put up for adoption" their children. In most cases it is accurate to say they "placed a child for adoption," or "planned for" or "chose" adoption. It is better to say "the children were adopted" than "the children are adopted." "International adoption" is preferred to "foreign adoption." "Hard to place" children can be called "children with special needs" or "waiting children," terms that are less damaging to their self-esteem and hopes. Avoid the qualifier "adopted" (for example, "survivors include two sons and an adopted daughter") unless there is a specific reason for mentioning the fact of the adoption. See, biological father/mother/parent, birth mother/father/parent, illegitimate/illegitimate child, "natural" father/mother/child, "real" father/mother/parent.