Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month: A Teachable Moment

Millions of adolescents in the U.S. are victims of physical, emotional, psychological, or verbal abuse from a dating partner each year. Recent research states that at least 19 percent of youth are victimized.

“I was swept off my feet by a varsity athlete almost three years older than me,” dating violence survivor Anna wrote last year. “I was blind and too young to recognize the warning signs of abuse. I endured the worst experience of my life.”

Dating violence is still undoubtedly normalized among teens. Lauren, a teen survivor, notes that, “From the moment I started confiding in my support system about what happened to me, I was shut down. I kept hearing things like, ‘That’s what happens in a relationship.’ ‘Get over it!’ ‘Why are you still hung up on it?’”

What factors cause girls to become victims of dating violence? Clinical psychologist and author Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein explains that “From an early age, romantic relationships are made important to a girl’s sense of self in a way they aren’t for a boy’s. Even amidst women’s progress and growing independence, girls learn being desirable to boys is their most important quality and are exposed to a constant stream of ‘damsel in distress meets Prince Charming’ narratives.”

Additionally, Dr. Finkelstein said, “We teach girls that being liked is more important than being respected. To be liked, they learn they have to stifle their needs and prioritize others’ comfort over their own. They get the message that they’re responsible for managing others’ feelings, and when they’re abused, they may assume they haven’t done their job properly.”

Boys, on the other hand, “haven’t spent years preoccupied with the need for a relationship to make themselves feel legitimate,” Dr. Finkelstein said, adding, “this lays the foundation for the imbalance and inequality” found in future heterosexual relationships.

Of course, dating abuse does not just occur in heterosexual relationships. Prevention specialist Dr. Otis McGresham at Vanderbilt University Project Safe Center observes that “Societal norms have created the expectation that dating violence exclusively occurs in relationships between males and females with males being the aggressor and females being the victim. The reality is that anyone can be a victim of dating violence, and all relationships can be impacted.”

So, how can we combat teen dating violence? First, we need to push back on inaccurate stereotypes. According to Dr. McGresham, the more we allow such stereotypes “to influence our cultural response to dating violence, the more difficult we make it for those who experience harm to seek support.”

Education is also crucial.

“Understanding the realities of dating violence in middle and high school allows students to accurately identify and minimize harmful behavior they may encounter as they begin thinking about and practicing initiating and maintaining relationships,” says Dr. McGresham. “Some normalized behaviors are inherently harmful. Some are harmful based on an identity that one holds. Understanding dating violence allows you to personalize your experience and become a protective factor for yourself and those you care about.”

Peer education is a crucial way to spread awareness. Take teen survivors Mailey and Jane, who have created supportive spaces through Students Against Sexual Harassment (SASH) Clubs that have made noticeable changes in their schools and have proved crucial to survivors recovering from sexual assault.

“In addition to knowing what resources are available locally and how to access them, everyone can work to create and maintain a space where your friends do not experience harm. We can do this when we normalize and role model respecting boundaries, using intentional language, demonstrating care, and supporting both interests and identity,” McGresham recommends. “Not only will you create a positive relationship where your friends feel valued, but if they experience harm, you have identified yours as a space where they can find support.”

During Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, youth and adult allies can explore educational resources like Teen Dating Violence and Love is Respect’s TDVAM 2025 Guide. Students can reshape messaging and behaviors in supportive environments such as SASH Clubs.

Minor-aged youth experiencing harmful relationships with peers and teachers or coaches who abuse positions of power should be provided information about confidentiality and mandated reporting when seeking help or disclosing. They can start with Limits to Confidentiality When Reporting Sexual Harassment and watch Teen Rape Victim Gets Confidential Help, or High School Rape Victim Gets Help. To spark important conversations between generations, teens and adults can begin with Finkelstein’s How to Address Sexual Harassment with Children and watch How Can I Start a Hard Conversation?

For some, teen dating violence can tragically end a life or create lifetime trauma. Knowledge is power. Share resources, start conversations, create supportive environments, and ignite much-needed change.