Finding What's Right for You

In the midst of all the drama about the media’s effect on the sanity and bodies of young women, it’s nice to hear that some people are doing things right. It’s even nicer when those people are my friends.

One of my best friends and I are currently on gap years, and the other day, I invited her to my house to cook lunch. Afterwards, we flopped on my sofa, holding our bellies, good-naturedly moaning about how full we were. The conversation turned a bit more serious, however, when my friend said,

“Seriously though, I have put on weight these past few months, and I don’t like it!”

“You haven’t!”

“No, I have, look at my belly! And I don’t know why you have to deny that I’ve put on weight, I clearly have and it’s not a negative thing, it’s just an annoying thing, because I know what my body should look like when I’m exercising and eating properly, and it doesn’t look like that at the moment!”

I thought about what she’d said, and it occurred to me that this was a really healthy way of looking at things. My friend wasn’t upset because she’d put on weight, or because she wasn’t conforming to some sort of beauty ideal – she was upset because she knew what was right for her, and at that present moment, she was nudging on overweight for her frame.

We have very different bodies – she’s athletic, quite short, and slight, wheras I have what my mum refers to as “birthing hips”, “badongadonga breasts”, and “chub” on my waist. But that’s just the way I am naturally – I went through a phase of dieting when I was younger and more impressionable, and frankly, I just looked ridiculous. Being skinny doesn’t suit me like it suits my friend – I like being the squishy lap that people curl up on as much as she enjoys being the athletic one who can squeeze through windows and run for buses.

I wish there was some way of teaching young girls today to recognise what’s best for them, personally. The more I research BMI statistics, the more I’m convinced that they’re not accurate at all, but there doesn’t seem to be any other frame of reference, apart from the self-esteem (which of course is wildly subjective!). It really heartens me that young women are being encouraged to look at their personalities and skills and recognise what’s great about themselves, even if it goes against traditional gender stereotypes. But whilst I would hesitate to say that attitudes towards their bodies are ‘dictated’ by the media, nobody could argue that they’re heavily influenced. I’ve tried to research what the average dress size actually is, but there doesn’t seem to be a widely-accepted answer. (It seems to hover between a UK size 12-16.) It’s safe to say, however, that it’s not the US size-zero, and that the waif-like models we see in advertisements are not an accurate reflection of what women actually look like.

In 2000, Marks and Spencers surveyed the body sizes of a large range of women to see if their cuts and mannequins were actually relevant to today’s women. They discovered that the average woman is a UK size 14, and have altered their store mannequins and the cuts of their clothingto reflect the new, curvier women of today. David Rowlinson, who commissioned the survey, said: “There's nothing wrong with being a size 14, it's just the way most women are."

I hate to end this on a sad note, but it really is a shame that this was literally ten years ago and such a progressive way of marketing to women hasn't caught on in the slightest.