SafeBae is teaching middle and high school students about date rape culture

In early 2019, the whole student body of our school — about 2,000 kids — gathered to hear Ella Fairon, a co-founder of the organization Safe BAE, speak about the group’s mission to end sexual assault and dating violence among middle and high school students.

As Ella spoke about her personal experiences with sexual assault, however, the audience began to show obvious signs of disrespect, like speaking loudly over her and laughing at things she said. When Ella asked us serious questions, people would purposely answer mockingly. In an engaging activity, Ella read both facts and myths about sexual assault, without disclosing which was which. She had the students stand for what they believed were facts and stay sitting for the myths. Students intentionally answered incorrectly despite the seriousness of the issue. The lack of respect was so prominent that our administration abruptly shut down the assembly before it was finished.

We were so disappointed in our student body for reacting in such a way, that we felt the need to apologize to Ella on behalf of our classmates. We were surprised to find a number of other students had already rushed to Ella for the same reason. We expressed our disbelief about what had just occurred, then sat down and allowed Ella to finish her presentation for us. After the school day ended, we took it into our own hands to contact Safe BAE directly and discuss how our school could be involved with them in the future.

We learned that the most effective aspect of Safe BAE is that it’s youth- and survivor-led. The way this organization approaches education makes teens feel recognized and understood. Safe BAE pushes people out of their comfort zones to talk about topics that they might have previously been too uncomfortable to discuss — or topics they simply don’t have enough information about.

For example, we were already aware of date rape culture, but the more we learned about it through our involvement with Safe BAE, the more we realized how much we didn’t know. Our only source of information regarding sexual assault and date rape was what we had seen on television and in the media. We had always seen it as a stranger or an evidently violent or predatory man attacking an unsuspecting woman. It was not until after working with Safe BAE that we learned most rape and sexual assault cases are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. Additionally, while most rape and sexual assault cases involve women, 1 in 71 men are raped at some point in their lives. Both of us have twin brothers; our parents had talked to us about sexual assault breifly but never to our brothers. Most people do not suspect boys and men will experience sexual assault and therefore they are uneducated on the topic. This makes them more susceptible as a victim and as a perpetrator.

Through Safe BAE, we have spent the last year spreading awareness about date rape culture to others by doing things like speaking to a young women’s leadership group about the culture and our experiences with it, which we did in July of 2019. That was our first time speaking publicly on the topic and it was incredibly moving. We saw that, despite our experience in our high school, more often than not, when someone starts a conversation about sexual violence and the culture that surrounds it, others will open up and join in.

Most recently, we’ve been working on the #knowB4Unude PSA, which is a campaign that uses PSAs and educational videos to warn teens about the consequences of sending nude photos.

We have learned to stand up for our beliefs and encourage others to do the same. Safe BAE reminded us of the need for change in society, as well as the value of being an advocate for that change. While we only have access to those at events we speak at, we can spark change through the domino effect; someone just has to stand up and start a mature conversation.