How Being Body Shamed Help Me Love Myself

When I was in 11th grade, I participated in a group project in my psychology class, where we had to conduct a social experiment, record it, and present it to the class. But while supposedly recording the guy in our group who was speaking, one of my group members recorded something else.

She recorded something that makes society so uncomfortable that it's expected to always be hidden, no matter how uncomfortable covering it up all the time can be. If seen out in the open, it’s tremendously shamed. Ironically, this shameful, hidden thing is present in about half the world’s population, and has a crucial biological function.

My groupmate recorded a breast. Specifically, she recorded my breast. So instead of watching my groupmate’s face while he spoke, my classmates watched a close up of my chest while his voice was audible in the background.

I hadn't seen the videos before the presentation, so I was shocked by what I saw. But what was even more shocking was how my classmates reacted so negatively to my body; the whole class laughed loudly and hysterically, and started gossiping about me.

My shock turned to humiliation when my classmates made fun of the invasion of my personal space, and then to sadness when I realized that even the girls in the class were shaming me for having breasts. I thought that they would be more understanding since not only could a similar thing happen to them, but they should know well how natural breasts are, given that they all had them, too.

What was worse was that the teacher let all of these inappropriate videos get played in her class, and didn't come to her student’s defense in the face of such public body shaming.

I was wearing my favorite top, which was loose with cheetah print, in the videos, but I haven’t worn it ever since that hurtful incident happened. Now I'm always worried about what I'm wearing, and try to hide my breasts as much as possible. I feel insecure when wearing clothes in which my breasts are in any way visible, and I’m scared of getting shamed again for being the way my body was designed to be.

While this fear is real, there is also another way I think about this experience: At least I was able to conduct my very own social experiment, in my mind, of how people react after they are face-to-face with part of a woman’s body they have been told is shameful.

Ultimately, I believe that it's not my problem if other people can't accept the fact that women have breasts. Breasts are a normal part of my body that I am not embarrassed to have. This incident was truly transformational for my self-esteem and made me believe that all women have the right to love the way they look. No one can take that away from them. I appreciate and love my body, and that is all that matters. I will not let anybody’s opinions make me feel any less than a confident and beautiful girl.