Artist Laura Gao Explores Her Coming of Age in ‘Messy Roots’

When Laura Gao began working on her new graphic memoir, Messy Roots, she knew she wanted to show a different side of Wuhan, the Chinese city she was born and spent her early childhood in. Leaving Wuhan with her family for Texas was a startling and often painful transition, as Gao had to adapt to a new country and language and had to learn how to adjust to a new home where she was one of only a handful of Asian Americans. Messy Roots follows Gao as she both comes of age and comes out as queer and learns how to embrace all aspects of her complicated identity.

We recently had the chance to chat with Gao over email about creating such an emotional memoir, her early memories of Wuhan, and her message for her Asian American readers.

​​Writing a memoir can be an extremely emotional experience. What was it like revisiting (and then illustrating) so many pivotal moments of your life for this book?

Talking about personal and sometimes traumatic events is incredibly hard, especially when sharing with millions of strangers! The most challenging part was writing about my identity-seeking journey when I still haven’t finished it yet. I’m definitely light-years ahead of where I was when I was a teenager. But at 23, I was still playing identity tug-of-war with my poor therapist. Thankfully, writing a memoir is basically therapy 2.0. Reopening old wounds and unpacking memories I had suppressed for years was exhausting. However, in the same way I often cope with tough memories through humor, I balance out the heavier scenes with comedic ones throughout the book. The moment another queer Asian girl beta-read the book and told me how seen she felt, I knew it was all worth it.

As you note early on in Messy Roots, the beginning of the pandemic was particularly strange for you because of the unrecognizable way people would talk about your birthplace of Wuhan. What do you wish the general public knew about Wuhan?

It’s a beautiful place with such rich history and culture, mouth-watering food, and friendly people! Each time I visit Wuhan, I fall in love with something new — waking up to smells of reganmian from the street stalls, seeing the beautiful Wuhan skyline reflected on the Yangtze River at night, feeling the cool countryside breeze on my face as I sneak out with my cousins. I hope people visit and see it for themselves after the pandemic is over.

Moving from Wuhan to a very white part of Texas was a huge transition for you. What do you remember the most about that time?

My parents constantly being stressed about us fitting in and how my mom did her best to help us transition. In kindergarten, I stopped eating lunch in school because I wasn’t used to American food, and my hair started falling out from malnutrition. My mom was so worried she began packing my lunch and calling the teacher every day to make sure I ate it. You never forget acts of motherly love like that.

You also draw on Chinese mythology throughout Messy Roots as you tell your story, particularly the legend of Chang’e, the moon goddess who manages to escape home using her wits. When did you first hear the Chang’e story, and when did you know you wanted to reinterpret it in your book?

My grandmother used to read the story to me when I was very young. Growing up queer and with little attraction to boys, I never understood why Chang’e would sacrifice being immortal up in the heavens to live on some sad, dusty rock just to be close to her man. After high school, I left a conservative and suffocating home environment to live a happier life where I could be authentic and unconstrained. It was then that I realized Chang’e’s move may have been the best thing to happen to her.

In recent years we’ve seen more coming out narratives by Asian Americans, but the Asian American LGBTQ experience still isn’t as widely discussed as it should be. Throughout this book, you detail going through things that your family maybe couldn’t fully understand. Do you have any advice for younger Asian American readers who may be in the middle of their own coming out process right now?

Becoming your authentic self can be incredibly scary. But I cannot stress how much happier I am because of it. Everyone’s search for identity and home is different and complex. And that’s OK!

Despite writing an entire memoir about this topic, I’m still learning new things about myself. By letting your voice shine above the doubts, you’ll realize the right people and places will naturally gravitate towards you — no matter how messy your roots are.