The Problem With Rom Coms

From the giggles shared with friends to the rushed heart rate caused by the guy’s attempt to win the girl over, there’s a reason why so many of us love rom-coms. But as comforting and engaging as these love stories can be, the truth is that most reiterate a problematic theme: The female protagonist is often quirky or different from other girls in some way, and her relationships with men are usually connected to the protagonist’s rejection of femininity. Given that this genre is so heavily marketed toward women, this common theme seems like something we should question. From the title of “chick flick,” the rom-com genre has become a quiet voice in how women should act.

Take the classic rom-com How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. This movie follows Andy, a writer at a magazine working on a story about — you guessed it — “how to lose a guy in 10 days,” or to show women what not to do in a relationship. Andy meets and targets Ben, who happens to have just told his boss he would make a girl fall in love with him in 10 days to prove that he understands women well enough to market diamonds to them. They pair up, unaware of each other’s ulterior motives.

Notably, Andy takes on an overly feminine persona to lose Ben quickly; she installs a pink fluffy toilet seat in his bathroom and is extremely emotional during a meal, for example. While dramatic at times, Andy’s behavior plays into the idea that for a man to like a woman, she can’t be an emotional girly girl but has to be “different” — i.e., more masculine. The idea that women need to reject femininity to be desirable to men is problematic because it suggests we should reject traits assigned to our gender because they’ve been assigned to our gender. Women don’t always need to be feminine, but our gender expression shouldn’t be a determining factor in our relationships.

Moreover, this idea is also problematic for men, as it reinforces the idea that they cannot give in to femininity if they want to be the attractive, Knicks-loving, meat-eating protagonist like Ben. While not always false, these stereotypes still very inconspicuously advertise the ideal gender roles that should be taken to be in a successful relationship.

Yet while women in rom-coms can’t be too feminine, they also can’t challenge men in traditionally masculine spaces. When it comes to women at work in rom-coms, they are allowed to be (ultimately) successful in their relationships but rarely successful in their careers. Take, for example, Bridget Jones’s Diary, which follows Bridget Jones, an assistant for a London publisher, who has a huge crush on her boss. She shows up to work in increasingly scandalous clothing, which gets his attention and results in him casually treating her inappropriately at work. They engage in a relationship until he cheats on her, and she moves on to a childhood acquaintance. Both of Bridget’s love interests are superior to her in the professional world, already painting their power over her, but she also sexualizes herself to seduce her innocent, hard-working boss in a work environment. It screams to the audience that female worth is rooted in their ability to distract the men from hard, professional work— a space they don’t typically get to occupy. When Bridget finally does stand up for herself and start her own career as a news anchor, she embarrasses herself, is portrayed as incredibly dumb, and only makes it when her second love interest uses his power as a lawyer to land her an interview. Once again, her success relies on her ability to get into a relationship with a much more powerful man.

The comforting feeling of sitting down to watch a romantic tear-jerker is something I, and I’m sure plenty of others, hold dear. But it’s time to be aware. A closer look at the problematic themes in “chick flicks” reveals the consistent trend in how women in relationships are presented under Hollywood’s spotlight, and it is not just the case for Bridget or Andy. It’s persistent in many mainstream rom-coms such as Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride, 27 Dresses, etc. Let’s stop letting Hollywood’s glam and dreamy romance dictate our mindsets and remember that anyone can be a protagonist.