My School Failed Me After I Was Sexually Assaulted

Trigger warning: this blog discusses sexual assault and may be disturbing for some readers.

My assault occurred in October 2020 when I was 14. The person who sexually assaulted me, who was my on-and-off crush at the time, was 15. The day before the assault we planned to visit a wooden fort in the woods surrounding a nearby park. I hoped we would cuddle, but nothing else. I assumed he would want to be sexually intimate — he had mentioned it before — but I thought he would respect me when I said I did not want to do anything sexual.

At one point while we were in the fort, he told me he didn’t understand when girls say they aren’t ready and called me a tease. I soon became fearful and was intimidated by his size. The assault lasted three hours, and had I not found a way to escape, I cannot imagine what more would have happened. I went home, numb, and unable to cry, which was odd for me. I couldn’t look in the mirror for weeks without dry heaving. I felt gross, disgusting, shamed, betrayed, and violated. I had many nightmares, and just a few days after the assault, I began losing fragments of my memories of the assault.

A few weeks later, I reported him to the police through the Safe-UT app which connected me to a counselor who I would tell what happened and alert the appropriate authorities. Soon after reporting I found out from others’ accounts that he’s a serial sexual assaulter/rapist.

After a nine-month-long pretrial (a series of hearings to determine if there is enough evidence to move forward to trial), my attorney offered a plea and the assailant pled guilty to a third-degree felony of sexual abuse and a misdemeanor charge of unlawful detention because he prevented me from leaving when I told him I wanted to leave. The consequences of those charges, however, were minimal: He was fingerprinted, his DNA was placed into the system, he was to complete 10 hours of community service, and he was required to attend level one therapy at a sexual behavior treatment center for juveniles. It’s not uncommon for people to get the same number of hours of community service for trespassing!

While I am grateful that the legal system believed my account of what happened, I am still deeply hurt that the only punishment my perpetrator received was essentially a slap on the wrist rather than a jail sentence or other long-lasting consequence. Because I am experiencing the long-lasting consequences of his actions: I continue to have panic attacks, my education has been derailed, and I may experience the aftermath of the assault for my entire life.

I eventually dropped out because my perpetrator attended the same high school, and I saw him every day, even as many as six times in a single day. Once, when one of his friends and I made eye contact, he laughed in my face. There was a rumor that started after he pled guilty, that a few of his friends wanted to beat me up. Eventually, I couldn’t get up in the morning and I constantly skipped class. My grades and attendance were drastically affected.

I went to the school’s office multiple times saying I needed to talk to the vice principal, but nothing was done; I never connected with him. Once the secretary even asked what was going on and after I explained the situation, she said she’d let the principal know. But I never heard from him, the Title IX coordinator, or anyone else.

Because the sexual assault didn’t occur on campus or during a school-sponsored event, my school wouldn’t take responsibility for its impact on my education. I believe the school should have done more to help me feel safe. Instead, they watched me have panic attacks and hyperventilate in their offices during meetings because I felt hopeless and fearful. Although I had a protection order, which is very similar to a restraining order, it was inadequate. Instead of accommodating my needs, a school counselor told me, “Maybe an alternative school would be better for you.” As if I were the problem, which I wasn’t! I discovered recently there are many other supportive options my school could have offered me, like changing his hallway route so it would not interfere with mine, or help me schedule daily meetings with the school counselors or psychologist, but did not.

I’m homeschooled now because I couldn’t handle seeing him anymore and can safely say I will probably never go back to that school again. But I miss school and the learning opportunities which are only possible at school. I’ve always been an extrovert, and while I still see my friends, I miss out on opportunities to make new friends at my school, and so much more. School is supposed to be a safe, fun, learning environment, but I never felt like it was any of those things after I was assaulted. There’s almost a sense of grief because I don’t know if I’ll ever feel safe enough to go back to school and regain the motivation I had earlier in my life.

But despite my feelings of grief, I plan on taking action to advocate for survivors. Here’s what I plan on doing (and what you can do, too):

1. I organized a protest in my city against sexual violence on May 28. You can learn more about the protest here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CcbPg0bu5ra/

2. I’m using the resources on the Stop Sexual Assault in Schools website and learning about Title IX.

3. I’m planning to create a Students Against Sexual Harassment (SASH) club in my area or online.

I recommend visiting the SSAIS website to find activism toolkits and more. You may want to read this article about the fourth anniversary of #MeTooK12 with links to helpful resources, and check out the SASH Club presentations for teens.

I hope sharing my story will urge other students and survivors to advocate for change. Survivors want to feel heard and seen. Schools claim to care so much about their students’ mental health but really do not. If they did, they would prioritize student safety over protecting their reputations.