Let’s Validate Girls’ Interests

I have loved music for as long as I can remember. It has been a large source of comfort for me and has helped me understand my identity. I love a wide variety of music, but I developed a serious obsession with the boy band One Direction in sixth grade. I was excited to share my interest with my friends at school. That was a mistake. It wasn’t long after I wore my new One Direction T-shirt to class that I learned my classmates did not feel the same way. I was the object of ridicule and my classmates made no effort to suppress their laughter.

“You actually like them?”

“They’re definitely gay.”

“I can’t believe you listen to that.”

Their words stung and I never wore that shirt again. I gave it away. I was too embarrassed to share my interest in the band with others, and instead pretended to agree with my classmates.

I never shared too much of myself with my peers outside of my immediate friend group after that. I started to alienate myself from my interests, even interests deemed more “socially acceptable,” like dance or reading. I tried to create a version of myself that I thought was “cool” and “interesting” — the fear of looking strange or wearing an outfit that wasn't cool enough plagued my thoughts. Ultimately I had no idea who I was or what I truly enjoyed, and had no outlet of escape through my interests.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized I have never seen the interests of young boys, such as video games or sports, treated in the same way that girls’ interests in makeup, music, or even women’s sports often are. Teenage girls and their interests are rarely taken seriously, and men and boys feel as though they have an open invitation to ridicule them. This ridiculing is sexist, but young girls cannot always see that and ultimately internalize that sexism. This can take the form of girls attempting to be unlike other girls to distance themselves from such feminine interests that are often ridiculed.

But even young girls who aren’t interested in stereotypically feminine things — like rock music and video games — are frequently made to prove that they truly like what they are interested in. The catch is, no matter how hard they try to prove their interest to boys, they are rarely validated by them. It feels as though it is a vicious cycle. No matter what young girls do, it seems that it will never be good enough for many boys.

Shaming young girls for the things that they like creates feelings of inferiority and invalidation. As girls age, they face serious obstacles, from being taken seriously in their careers to being supported as a mother. When girls start from the foundational idea that their interests are inferior, they later lack the confidence to face such obstacles.

It took me until this year, my sophomore year of college, to embrace and find confidence in the things I’m interested in, with little care for what others might think of me. It’s unfair that it has taken me so long to become comfortable with myself when so many of my male peers seem to have done so years ago, and it is sad to see this cycle continue as pre-teen girls are still ridiculed for the things they enjoy.

As a society, we need to support young girls and their interests, whether that’s math, science, music, or makeup. Engaging the young women in our lives in conversation about the things they enjoy is enough to show them that we value them and their interests. We can take it a step further and make clear that the things girls like are not inherently less valuable. I know that I would never want a daughter to feel as I did when it came to concealing my true identity. We can, and need, to do better for future generations.