Let's Talk About Sex in School

My mom was always open about the fact that I was donor-conceived, even before I knew what that meant. I have half siblings across the country, from New York to Arizona, that I’ve developed relationships with since I was 18 months old, and my mom loves to talk about my sib family, especially how the mothers became their own unique type of family, sharing assisted reproductive technologies with each other. For example, my mom and one of my sib’s moms gave their extra vials of sperm to the mother of one of our siblings who wanted to have a second child with the same donor. One of my sib’s moms donated her extra eggs to another when she couldn’t conceive again naturally, so two of my half-sibs are full siblings but live in different families.

When Roe v Wade was overturned in June of 2022, I struggled with grief, fear, uncertainty, and a sense of overwhelming helplessness. I realized that the Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization ruling didn’t only impact me as a person who could get pregnant but also because reproductive rights were central to my existence. New laws following Dobbs could make common IVF practices illegal, policies that would have resulted in several of my sibs possibly never having been born. The little information I had showed that anti-abortion laws disproportionately threaten the lives of women using assisted reproduction, like my mom and my sibs’ moms, because they are more likely to need medical intervention during pregnancy.

I also realized that because abortion rights were being chipped away, it was even more crucial for young people to learn about sex and contraception so they could avoid unwanted pregnancies. I began to reflect on the terrible school sex education my peers and I received. Sex education was commonly called a “study period” because nothing useful was taught, so no one paid attention.

I grew up with a unique view of reproduction because of my family structure, and this usually taboo topic was destigmatized at home, allowing my mom and I to have open conversations about sex. I know that’s something many of my peers couldn’t do with their parents, and if kids couldn’t learn this critical information from their parents, they would be dependent on crappy sex education in school.

I began researching sex education standards. It was the most difficult and complicated subject I had ever attempted to understand. I scaled down and researched my school district’s curriculum and the sex education laws in my state, Colorado. I spoke to local experts in sex education, curriculum development, legislative advocacy, and reproductive services: Deanne Bucher, an educator at my district with curriculum development expertise; State Senator Susan Lontine, who authored Colorado’s current sex education law (HB 19-1032); and Jack Teter, the regional director of legislative affairs for Planned Parenthood Rocky Mountain.

Through my research, I discovered there are two types of sex education: one is comprehensive sex education, endorsed by institutions like The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) and the American Academy of Pediatrics. According to UNESCO, comprehensive sex education is the “process of teaching and learning about the cognitive, emotional, physical and social aspects of sexuality” which includes anatomy, menstruation, contraception, pregnancy, STIs, reproduction and gender-based violence, nondiscrimination, human rights, consent, bodily integrity, gender equality, sexual abuse, and healthy relationships. Not a single state, even those with “comprehensive sex education laws,” includes all these elements.

The other is abstinence-based sex education, which teaches that abstinence is the only acceptable, safe, and effective way to prevent unintended pregnancy and STIs. Ashley M. Fox of Rockefeller College of Public Affairs and Policy found that “The millions of dollars spent [annually by the federal government] on abstinence-only education has had no effect on adolescent birthrates.” One of my most shocking findings was that 32 states don’t require sex education to be medically accurate.

In Colorado specifically, I discovered a discrepancy between the sex education law, curriculum, and what is taught in the classroom. In my conversations, the experts explained the complications with sex education legislation, implementation, and accountability that resulted in those discrepancies, which I simplified into three key issues. First, sex education is an extremely divisive issue and is hard to modify without resistance. Second, though Colorado’s comprehensive sex education bill was passed in 2019, the Colorado Board of Education reassessed its health/sex education curriculum in 2020 before the law took effect. This resulted in students being taught outdated curricula. Third, despite legislation and curriculum standards, there are no accountability measures in place to ensure teachers teach the required material, which explains why one of the sex ed teachers at my high school refused to teach about contraception because of his religious beliefs.

I decided to survey my peers at my high school in September of 2022 to collect data about my district specifically and get accounts from students with varied sex education experiences. I was exhilarated and horrified by the responses. When I sent out the survey, I was worried that my peers would react negatively to or simply ghost a person they hadn’t spoken to since middle school, especially someone asking them about sex. Instead, I received 112 urgent responses, including impassioned calls to “TEACH SAFE SEX!” and “Do better.” People crafted thoughtful responses in the survey and thanked me for attempting to address this problem we all knew and were worried about.

Some survey responses were truly heartbreaking: “I had a pregnancy scare at some point, and it was horrifying not knowing the next steps to take with my partner.” “I taught myself most of it through experience.” “My middle school health class used entirely fear-based learning to scare us away from drugs, alcohol, mental health issues, and sex. That class is a large part of the reason I’m in therapy today.” Overall, students felt betrayed by the district and were left to their own devices to learn information that could be the difference between life and death in a post-Roe world.

I used the survey data to make a PowerPoint presentation and prepare a speech for my school district Board of Education. Contemplating the reality of speaking about sex to esteemed members of the Boulder Valley School District Board of Education had my hands trembling. Focusing on the support I had received from peers, their calls for comprehensive sex education, and the heart-wrenching stories of how the district had failed them, I walked up to the podium. I presented the most concerning data I’d gathered, including that 79% of students said their sex education did not prepare them for what to do if they thought they were pregnant, and 62% of students said their sex education did not prepare them to resist pressure for sex. I recommended taking a more extensive survey of students to get a better understanding of where the curriculum was failing and fix it. I concluded by asking to be involved in any actions taken to improve sex education.

As a result of the presentation, I was invited to co-facilitate the Boulder Valley Safe Schools Coalition (BVSSC). BVSSC started in the second semester of my senior year, and we attempted to rewrite my district’s middle school sex education curriculum, though the project was hindered by the complexity of rewriting the curriculum with limited resources on a tight deadline. Unfortunately, BVSSC didn’t end up completing the new curriculum for reasons that were never disclosed to me. The lack of tangible change was extremely frustrating, especially considering the work so many people — myself, my peers, and other advocates — put in and the dire consequences of the status quo.

In the larger fight for reproductive rights, the importance of sex education cannot be ignored. Especially as abortion and contraception are under threat, comprehensive sex education gives young people the ability to make informed decisions and stay safe. Young people have the right to express their sexuality without putting their lives in danger and deserve the information to do so safely.

So what can we do? The vague legal standards in most state sex education laws mean that key battles are fought in local elections, the races that many people often don’t know about or participate in. The positions winning candidates take in these elections are crucial in determining sex education curriculum, which is now upstream of the fight for abortion. A small number of people can make a massive difference in these elections. As the next presidential election nears, the welfare of young people and reproductive rights are at stake. One place readers, especially parents, can start is to take five minutes to learn about sex education in your state, research local candidates and ask their positions on the issue, speak at Board of Education meetings, and most importantly, vote. Vote like reproductive rights are as fundamental to your family as they are to mine.